We had our CAMHS appointment this afternoon, my youngest was with us and she went to have her meeting with the speech therapist, as you know this was that last one before we receive the big diagnostic report. Her dad and I were called in when they were finished it took about forty minutes before they call us in. Of course for every appointment I have taken my iPad for something to do and have never needed it, humm yes I needed it today and never took it. I am so silly at times I am sure if I had taken it I wouldn’t of needed it.
My daughter went to the toilet on our way in, I am so glad that she did as before she entered the room we received the diagnosis that I wasn’t looking forward to, she is on the Autism Spectrum and I am devastated. I shouldn’t be I know I had my suspicions and it was me that started this journey off to get the help that she needed. But having it told to me that she is on the spectrum hit hard really hard I just burst into tears. Not for me but for her as my head is now full of questions of what is going to happen when she gets older she is already having problems with things that she can’t get over. What about other things will she have a relationship with someone will she have a family will she be able to work with the issues that she has (she doesn’t like anything on her hands). I know that I am projecting far into the future, but as a mum you want your child to have everything.
I also for the first time cried about all of this I hate doing that and I know that Eilidh saw that I had been crying even though I did say that my contacts moved a bit. We are going back in a few weeks to ask the questions that we have, ones that we can ask when my daughter isn’t there. We also have to apply for benefits for her to help with things not that I care about the money I don’t but it will help her get things that she need to help her with daily living. I won’t be keeping her money it will go into her account for her to use so if she needs a new lap top we can go out and get one without worrying about the money for it.
I do wish sometimes I had a close friend that I could talk to and tell them how I feel. I do feel very alone and very frightened just now.